A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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