I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
