Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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