I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
