I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
