Michael Bay diarrhea
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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