I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
