Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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