i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
