I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
