this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
