therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
