he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
