so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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