1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
