...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
