You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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