God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
