Porn is love you can see.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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