Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
