actually, I'm a sock model
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
