the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
hell yes lets make some ravioli
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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