You can't special order awesome
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
