I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
