It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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