Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
