I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
