; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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