we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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