i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we're making bets on your personal life
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
