I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize