Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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