pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
