You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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