How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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