i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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