He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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