You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize