goodnight i made you a song goodbye
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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