so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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