I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
