I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize