am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
