She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
