dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
