I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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