if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
