Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
