Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
