as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
