I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Text me some of your sweat
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