Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
