i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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