how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
