Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
