So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
