I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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