dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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