I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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