What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize