Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
