Sponge bath it is.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
